I don’t know if I should post this.

I don’t know if I’ll post this.

But I still need to write it.

I was invited to be on an author panel to discuss beta readers/critique groups and how they benefit writers.

A rather dry topic to anyone outside the craft but, hey, I thought I could contribute a little something.

Oh boy.

I soon found myself drowning in things like Google Forms, Google Drives, Google Docs, Excel Plotting Sheets, Newsletters and newsletters within newsletters, Project Management Tools, Questionnaires, Beta reader pools alongside ARC groups, and two things, Storyorigins and Trello, that I have yet to look up.

Luckily, I have the superpower of Lying My Ass off (my therapist called it sublimation), so I just nodded and agreed to the benefits of everything. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Definitely.

Inside, it was like being in high school geometry where the teacher was explaining the mysteries of the cosmos via triangles and polygons. The entire class nodding and obviously drinking this in like mother’s milk while my eyes crossed and my brain imploded.

What. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck.

Where do these people find the time to even have the time to plan out their days?

One author said she would outline the entire novel with synopsis and plot points and send it off to her critique partners with the challenge to break the idea BEFORE EVEN WRITING IT.*

I spent two hours last night researching the history of poor farms in the 1800s before ditching the whole idea.

And newsletters. The idea of subjecting myself to littering people’s emails makes my stomach hurt.

And joining online writing groups, newsletter swapping sites…streetcrowding or some such fuck…..oh gawd….I just can’t.

One author said she had presold 500 copies of her book. PRESOLD. Fuck me. I got excited when I saw that one of my books sold 6 copies on Amazon.

Suffice it to say, my Imposter Syndrome came on strong. REAL STRONG.**

And I can’t be the only one who wonders am I cut out for this? I just want to write fun stories.

Shit.

I guess it all comes down to what you define as success.

If I want to be the next Brandon Sanderson and make quadrabillion $$$, have a fan base that obviously bleeds into other dimensional realms, well, that’s going to mean a big lifestyle change.

If all I want to do is write some cool stories that find themselves magically into a few dozen hands, well, sweetie, that’s the track you’re on.

Still….a newsletter might be a good idea.***

*Frankly, that sounds brilliant. I might steal that idea if I could ever get the squirrels in my brain to outline something that intensively.

** A bit of retail therapy and Lindor chocolate truffles fixed that up.

***Fuck.

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