Dude, I thought we had an agreement…

When I was a kid, I went out of my way to step on honeybees.

They were my childhood nemesis. Bees and those nasty sticker bushes that hid in the tall grass that inevitably found my tender, shoeless feet every summer.

Fast forward a few decades and now I know that bees are like super duper important and the whole dang Earth is going to implode because the little striped bastards are disappearing.

So I make amends by going out of my way not to step on the stinger-assed little bastards. I even out sugar water for them.

And I try my best to be as hippy dippy as my Generation X traumatized brain will allow, okay? If I find a snail on the sidewalk, I will pick them up and put them in a safer place. I put out snacks and food for all of my backyard vermin friends. I cut up apples, lay out peanuts, and get the high energy suet cakes for the crackhead chickadees that swarm my feeders.

Once, we bought some traps to catch the carpenter bees that keep burrowing into the porch but I took it down because the idea of these poor bugs slowly dying inside a jar gave me nightmares.

I never kill spiders. They do a lot more good than bad in my book.

I even allow the wasps that camp out in my garden shed some leeway.

Yeah. Wasps. I know that most people think they are corseted winged demons from hell but I thought, “Hey. They deserve to live as much as I do. Right? Right!”

Until today.

I was taking some gardening gear out to the shed when something slammed into my arm. Out of nowhere! I felt this BAM! and then a STAB! and then a WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

I dropped the watering cans and screamed, “Motherfucker! What the hell?”

I looked down to see where I was assaulted.

What I’m trying to say is…..I thought we had a deal, Wasp Dudes. You stay on your side. I stay on mine. I let you live your little buzzy lives with little to no interaction and you don’t attack me.

But obviously I was mistaken. And you decided to draw First Blood.

And that was your mistake.

I declare the Summer of 2021 to be Waspapocalypse: The Stinger Falls.

BRING IT!

24 Hours Later

I got my 2nd Covid vaccination yesterday. Team Pfizer!

I felt fine for the most of the day. A quick episode of dizziness around noon. A slight headache started around 7 p.m. Other than that, I was fine. Even my arm didn’t hurt that much.

I did some gardening and housework. I even got the bug to organize my swag for when I get to hit conventions again and took an inventory of my books and what I needed to order.

I thought maybe…..hey, this isn’t so bad.

I thought….maybe I’m special.

Maybe I’ve got some extraordinary physical trait that, until now, was untapped.

You don’t know! It could happen!

Yeah.

So, FF to 24 hours later. And, guess what? I’m not special. Not. One. Damn. Bit.

It’s amazing what hurts on my body. Like, everything hurts. It’s like pain is shooting through my finger tips. My legs feel like they are weighted in sandbags. My eyes feel like raw, stinging bags of poop.

My head weighs 18 THOUSAND POUNDS and it’s taking all my energy to keep it from flopping all around.

Low grade fever, just 99 but for a person who is usually around 97 degrees, it’s uncomfortable.

OH! And the dumbs. I have a severe case of the dumbs.

SO….to cap this off…..I feel like garbage but I’d do it again if it means ending this pandemic and maybe saving someone else from getting Covid.

Maybe I am a hero….just not all that super.

Wake Up, You Magic Skeleton!

When I was a soppy, moon eyed young thing, I read a book by Richard Bach called, Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. One of the themes in the story was that every book was magic. If you needed an answer to a question, all you needed to do was hold the question in your heart and open a book to any page and the Universe would provide you an answer.

Yeah. It was a long time ago.

Lately, I’ve been in a shadowy place. Not dark, really. Just….boggy, swampy, like something was pulling my feet down into the depressive muck and not letting go.

And suddenly, in my mailbox, popped this lovely miracle. It’s a lovely hardback book that smells like heaven. OH MY GODS, I had forgotten how good hardback book smell!

And my soppy, magic believing, wild child of a girl shrieked in happiness.

I had found my new magic book!

It’s a brilliant book, my friends. Full of motivators and just kick you in the ass reminders that you are a BRILLIANT piece of CARBON, a magnificent wonder of ATOMIC PARTICLES and you don’t need anyone’s permission to get out there and KICK SOME GODDAMN ASS!

Get your copy and then buy another copy for some other poor bastard that needs it.

Available on Amazon or any other bookstore that has survived the apocalypse!