A ride with my son

*An excerpt from a ten minute car ride with my son*

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this,” my son began, “but I never expected to live past 25.”

I gripped my steering wheel a little tighter. Here we go….. “Okay.”

“Ya know, because of my mental illness and stuff. I always figured I would’ve found a way to off myself by now.”

Just let him talk…. “Okay….”

“So, last year when I hit 26, I decided, well, shit, I guess I need to get my life together and get stuff going, ya know? I started to make plans. All kinds of plans. And then, it was like BOOM. Ya know, if my life was storyboarded out like a comic strip, it would go like this. One panel would be me, looking optimistic, my arms over my head, ready to Carpe the Shit out of that Diem, and then the next panel would be a newspaper floating past with headlines like, “PLAGUE SHUTS DOWN WORLD”. Then in the next panel, it would be me, in a hazmat suit, staring blankly out on a decimated world.”


“Yeah, I swear, I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me and Covid has really fucked up a lot of people’s lives but sometimes, it feels like my life has been just been leading up to a massive, cosmic punchline.”

“Damn, dude.”

“Yeah…..I know. So, we’re having pizza for dinner tonight?”

A weird time for magical thinking

I have a horoscope app on my phone.

I use to consult it every morning after catching the bus to work to get an idea of what sort of day was ahead for me so I could get ready for it. It was a strange way of arming myself to do battle with the day.

I haven’t looked at it since the Covid 19 lockdown.

In February, before all the shit went down, I was feeling very low and I started consulting my tarot cards. Again, it’s a harmless psychological crutch. I don’t think my cards have any sort of magical divining powers; I use my cards in a purely Jungian vein. Taps into subconscious archetypes, helps me to see outside of my head. And, back then, I was in a whirlwind of despair, lost and lonely.

I haven’t even thought about flipping a card in months.

Isn’t that weird?

You would think that now, of all times, NOW is when I’d be consulting oracles and looking for some sort of supernatural signs.

But, I don’t feel any compulsion to do look for comfort in any kind of magical thinking tricks.

Where I do find comfort is turning off the TV, logging off from internet and going outside for a walk. The sky is blue, the trees are blooming, grass is thick and green. Birds are singing and squirrels are effortlessly leaping from tree to tree like trapeze artists. The air smells like honeysuckle. There is a cool edge to the wind to remind me that winter is not exactly done and to enjoy the warmth, sweetie and remember: weather can change on a dime in April.

When I stop doom scrolling and look outside, I am reminded that Life is all around us.

And, as long as there is Life there is Hope.

Maybe that’s why I don’t feel the need to throw the bones to scry what might be happening down the road.

Now, I feel still. I listen to the wind. And I am content to wait.

New Levels of Stupid

Due to the Covid 19 Pandemic, going to see the doctor for a yearly checkup has a new twist: virtual checkups.

Unfortunately, getting blood work done is still very much pokey and hurty. I had to go to the lab, wearing a mask and gloves, roll up my shirt and let a stranger stab me with a hypodermic needle and drain out my precious blood.

For my checkup, my doctor wanted to do a Facebook Chat with me to go over my test results. And I thought, “That’s cool. I can do that. I chat on FB all day long. No problem.”

I sat by my computer and waited to be PINGED on my FB Chatbox.

And then my phone rang.

OH! A video chat! Cool!

I answered the phone. To accept the video chat.


For about five seconds, I could hear him talking to me….


And then I realized….Oh yeah….VIDEO CHAT….and turned the phone to face him.

He said to me, “So…you feeling okay?”

SO….my bloodwork is the BEST it’s been in years. My weight is great (I was 163 when I first starting with him and now I’m at 152 lbs). He’s very proud of me.

Especially once I remembered how to VIDEO CHAT!

I’ll kick myself in the ass for the rest of the day.

Years from now, when I’m feeling pretty good about myself, my brain will bring it back up….”HEY, remember that time you forgot how to VIDEO CHAT?”