10 Gun Shots

Lying in bed this morning, I heard 5 gunshots outside.

I rolled over, looked at the time. 7:50 a.m. I figured it would be good information to know if the police asked.

Then another 5 shots.

It was now 8:00 a.m.

“Hey,” I said to my husband. “Should we call the cops?”

“No. It’s just Gallatin.”

Which is a world away from the neighborhood where we used to live.

Gallatin is a rural place. There are wild turkeys, raccoons, opossums and all sorts of critters that casually walk into your yard.

Inglewood was different.

Here are a few examples:

• My next door neighbor in Inglewood had a drug dealer that would come by weekly loudly asking how many bowls he needed. We dubbed his abusive girlfriend ‘Panty Stealing Whore’ because she screamed that at his EX-girlfriend during a backyard boxing match. The woman had no indoor voice. Everything she said was at maximum volume. I never saw her face; I only heard her voice. I wouldn’t know her if we bumped shoulders at Walmart.

 

• While sitting outside one afternoon, I heard her scream, “I KNOW WHEN I SEE A HEROINE STARTER KIT! DON’T TELL ME WHEN I DON’T!” I imagined some kind of “My First Heroin Kit” sold by Fisher Price.

 

• I was barbecuing and I heard her scream, “IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU THEY TOOK AWAY MY KIDS!” She started throwing flower pots at the guy and he did a weird dance around the yard avoiding them. The only thing that freaked me out was the thought, She has kids??? 

 

• Once, around midnight during the summer and my bedroom window was open, I heard a man scream, “YOU STABBED ME!” I lied there in my bed and wondered, Should I call the police? I mean, what is stabbed, really? What was he stabbed with? A fork? He doesn’t sound hurt just really pissed off.  The next morning, I asked my son if he had heard the ruckus outside. He said he not only heard it, he actually peeked out his window and show two men wrestling down a guy who was screaming. “I thought he was having a bad trip or something. And then it occurred to me, ‘What if I’m witnessing a murder? And worse, what if they can SEE ME? So I closed my window and waited to get murdered.” I asked him why he didn’t call the police. He countered, “Why didn’t you!?!” We then argued about what constituted a stabbing and how if it had a child or a woman, I definitely would’ve called the police and then he just stared at me, “So, if a man gets stabbed, fuck that guy then. Is that your logic?” I lost a lot of Good Mother Points that day. Upside: We never did get murdered nor did I notice a newly dug grave. I watched for it.

 

• Then there was the time Panty Stealing Whore had an overdose, died but was revived. She said she floated above her body and walked all around the hospital before coming back to life. The whole experience changed her so much that she found Jesus. She liked to stand outside and scream out verses from Revelations. About the End Times and how God was coming to get us all.  These were the times that scared me most.

 

So, yeah. 10 gunshots on a Sunday morning in Gallatin, nothing at all.